Where’s My Invitation

Posted: February 21st, 2011 | Author: Dr. Bill Stillwell | No Comments »

The invitations are out, the crying has begun and the accusations
are flying. I’m not accusing anyone of anything (Except overlooking
yours truly…Esquire.) I had a tux, new shoes and some thoroughly
starched British drawers. I even had some botox (just kidding) to
make sure I could maintain a stiff upper lip, when I met the father
of the groom, Chuck.

I knew that Prince Dumbo would find a way to get even with me for
making fun of his ears, nose, copious nose hair, teeth and all his
various and sundry twitches and glitches (not to mention bitches…
with apologies to what’s her name, who would be Queen).

Damn! The social event of the world and I’m not going, because this
is definitely “Invitation Only” stuff we’re talking about here. It’s
not like some White House dinner, where the Salaki’s, or Samaki’s,
or Janeane Garofalo could end up seated next to you (or Ed Begley Jr
…who would invite you over to see his latest idiotic green gadget,
or offer to get you tickets to the opening of a sewage plant).

I guess I’ll just have to sit in my recliner and watch reruns of
“Heavy.” I bring this up, because I saw this show for the first time
Saturday and whoa…after seeing the dude who was on…I’m telling
myself I was never fat. The dude was huge…550 pounds, sometimes
more, and he had lost 100 pounds!

This is how to think of how big this dude is. Say you weigh 220
pounds, which for a man is not that uncommon. Think about having
another guy your size strapped to your back and another guy, half
that size, strapped to your front. Or, if you want to make it equal,
two 165 men, strapped front and back. Think about trying to move
that mass with just one motor. I can’t tell you the thoughts going
through my head, as I watched this horror show. The scenes with this
lardass on the treadmill were torture.

To tell you the truth, I don’t think I can watch anything like this
again. The fat boy would not admit during the show that he was
addicted to food. He maintained that he did not cheat on his diet
and exercise program, even though nothing could be further from the
truth. When a trainer found candy bars in his room, he told him he
didn’t know who they belonged to.

Let’s just hope you don’t weigh 550. Or more.

But what do you do if you’re overweight?

Well…you don’t wait for an invitation, like I was doing.

You must take some action to get a reaction. (Dr. Bill’s Law #1)

You can start by getting my well received book on weight loss and
putting your big S in motion. A big S in motion tends to stay in
motion (Dr. Bill’s Law #2):

http:/www.favoriteformulas.com/numberonefatlosssecret

And don’t try telling me it doesn’t work.

Negative results are always due to operator error, such as not being
able to stop the fork before it gets to your mouth. Or not being
able to get the fried chicken out of your hand. Or not leaving the
case of malted beverages in the store.

This is your invitation. I may not be Bonnie Prince Charlie…but
that works in your favor. He’d have you eating meadow grass and
alfalfa sprouts, for the rest of your life.

I’ll be back tomorrow with more.

With my best wishes for your optimum health,

Dr. Bill

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