The Top Ten Lessons From The Movies

Posted: February 16th, 2010 | Author: Dr. Bill | No Comments »

I have this theory that the reason that the country is in such a pickle today is…the movies. That’s right. We spend entirely too much time watching the unreal and many of us end up believing what’s up there on the big screen. So today, I have to bring you ten lessons that we have learned, by wasting our time and money on Hollywood.

1.)  It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

2.)  A detective can only solve a case, once he’s been suspended from duty.

3.)  Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading civilization.

4.)  It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial artists. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, by dancing around in a threatening manner, until you have knocked out their predecessors.

5.)  When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they never get a concussion, or brain damage.

6.)  No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, expolsion, volcanic eruption, or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

7.)  Any lock can be picked by a credit card, or a paper clip, in seconds, unless it’s a door to a burning building, with a child trapped inside.

8.)  An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur, will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.

9.)  During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club, at least once.

10.)  Talking scarecrows, lions and great wizards of emerald cities exist, and there is no paperwork involved, if your house lands on a witch.

I’ll close with the words of the late, great George Burns, who said, “Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that…you’ve got it made.”

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