Ten Tummy Tightening Tricks Rolled Into One

Posted: July 31st, 2011 | Author: Dr. Bill Stillwell | No Comments »

Was That Redundant

Posted: July 30th, 2011 | Author: Dr. Bill Stillwell | No Comments »

Yesterday, somebody told me a joke I heard about 20 years
ago. It was first told by the great comedian, Alan King, who
I think died about 7 years back, if memory serves.

King said, "My definition of redundancy is air bags in a
politician’s car."

It reminds me of an old MIlton Berle line, "You can lead a
man to Congress, but you can’t make him think." I think
Uncle Miltie left us about 9 years ago.

Then there was an email from a customer, after I sent out
a column on why you shouldn’t drink soda. She said, "I
stopped drinking Coke when my housecleaner said that
it was the best thing ever to remove toilet stains."

Did you know that the moon weighs 81 billion tons?

My question is: Who built that scale and how high did it
go?

Here’s one that cost me $20. The question is: What
was invented first: the airplane, or the parachute?

The answer is the parachute, invented 120 years
before the airplane. The original purpose of the parachute
was to be able to jump off burning buildings.

Can’t you just hear Johnny Carson saying to Ed McMahon,
"I did not know that."

A New York Times reporter, traveling in Afghanistan, was
surprised to see a woman still walking 5 paces behind her
husband. She rushed over to the woman and asked, "Why,
after so many social changes, she was still walking a
distance behind her husband. The Afghani woman answered,
"Land mines."

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come there are
so many dead rabbits on the highway?

The first testicular guard "cup" was used in hockey, in
1874, and the first helmut was used in 1974. It took 100
years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

http://www.favoriteformulas.com

I’ll be back next week.

With my best wishes for your optimum health,

Dr. Bill

Favorite Formulas
816 Turtle River Court
Plant City, FL 33567

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Three Cheers For Walmart

Posted: July 29th, 2011 | Author: Dr. Bill Stillwell | No Comments »

My wife hollered for me to come see what was on

the news this morning. before I’d even had a chance

to get my bearings. I thought this had to be another

natural disaster, like a big earthquake, or tsunami, but

as it turns out, it was a story about Walmart kicking a

woman in a string bikini out of their store in Eugene,

Oregon.

Now, I thought when I heard the words "string bikini,"

that this might be a publicity stunt, with a smokin’

young hottie, put on by a local DJ, trying to make a

name for himself. But nothing could have been further

from the truth.

We have all heard the phrase, "a sight for sore eyes."

Well…this was a sight where you might have been

better off blind. And calling this woman, "a woman,"

was really stretching it, although it is probably scientifically

correct.

There she was, in all her unfettered glory, with a

shaved head, studs, tattoos covering what the string

bikini did not, with cut off shorts, made out of old red

sweat pants, and a big black cast on one leg. She

would have finished "in the money" at an ugly contest.

Walmart employees told her to put on a shirt, or take

her leave. She then started a media circus, claiming

that her rights had been violated. By now the incident

has surely gone viral.

I say, three cheers for Walmart! Hip! Hip! Hooray! and

all that. As far as I’m concerned, they should have

planted a size 13 work boot right in the middle of her

ample posterior. I wouldn’t punch air holes in the top

of a pickle jar, if she were stuck inside.

A little twist on the Golden Rule is in order here.

"If you act like a jackass…we’ll be sure and treat you

like one."

But right now, I’m sure there is a trial lawyer who is

more than ready to spring into action to protect the

rights of Little Miss Dubbly Uggly. Tomorrow morning

will surely bring Gloria Allred in front of the lights

and cameras, casting Walmart as a giant oppressor,

for tossing an idiot out of one of its stores.

It’s obviously a case of not having enough omega-3′s.

Which is a real shame, when you leave that close to

the Pacific Ocean. But, if you can’t get it in Eugene,

you can always order it here:

http://www.favoriteformulas.com

I’ll be back tomorrow with more.

With my best wishes for your optimum health,

Dr. Bill

Favorite Formulas
816 Turtle River Court
Plant City, FL 33567

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Would You Dump Her If She Got Too Fat

Posted: July 28th, 2011 | Author: Dr. Bill Stillwell | No Comments »

Just sose u nose, the question wasn’t my idea. I’ve

been married for decades and I was the fattest one. I

saw this question posted on an internet news site

this morning, as I nibbled on some fresh cherries and

drank some green tea. Not wanting to get my better half in

a tizzy, I kept this question to myself, knowing that

I would have to write about it later.

Men have debated this question, among themselves,

ever since I can remember. I can clearly remember

this discussion on the playground in Brooklyn, when

I was almost a teenager. In those days, the vote was

always 100% yes. No fellow traveler wanted anything

to do with a fat girl.

The feeling remained almost exactly the same in

high school and then college. Then, everybody

started getting married, settling down, having children

and climbing the career ladder. At the same time all

that was happening, people’s bodies started to change.

Former cheerleaders and prom queens turned into

plus size models and the guys who had sixpacks

started toting kegs, while their hair fell out.

It wasn’t unusual to hear stories of guys who did

actually dump their wives, or girlfriends, because

they didn’t look like they did when they were sixteen.

I knew a fellow doctor who told me, straight out, that

he was leaving his wife, because she weighed 300

pounds.

What does all this mean?

For starters, it means we place a great deal of

attention on how we look. Secondly, we aren’t

very sympathetic to those who have become

Lardassians, over time. Third…as I wrote yesterday,

liberals want to tax fat people. (They’ll reject this

approach, as soon as they find out that the majority

of fat people are liberals.)

I think that in a relationship, it takes two people to

get fat. Even if the second party isn’t fat, they are

most often an enabler. They may not be shoving

too much grub down their own pie hole, but they are

often making it far too easy for their partner to do so.

Here’s an example. I know many couples where the

husband is a bit hefty. I’ve been out with such a group,

many times. Everybody orders food, the wife only eats

a bit and then offers the rest of her plate to her husband,

who only too happily finishes off the rest of the steak,

potatoes, pizza, pasta…ring the bell, if you had this happen

to you.

The solution isn’t to dump your partner…it’s to get fit

together. If you have a family, the same rule applies.

I can clue you in on how to get this done:

http://www.favoriteformulas.com/numberonefatlosssecret

I’ll be back tomorrow with more.

With my best wishes for your optimum health,

Dr. Bill

Favorite Formulas
816 Turtle River Court
Plant City, FL 33567

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New York Times Food Writer Wants To Tax Your Diet

Posted: July 27th, 2011 | Author: Dr. Bill Stillwell | No Comments »

This morning, while perusing a news site, I came upon

an article by Mark Bittman, a food writer for the New York

Times. In the interest of full disclosure, I have three of

his cookbooks. They aren’t in my Top Ten, but they are

what I would call serviceable.

Bittman has also been on television a lot and had a show

on the Food Network, where he traveled all over and cooked

with any number of celebrated chefs. There are two episodes

I remember pretty clearly. The first was with Mario Batali

and the episode was filmed in Tuscany. Batali took Bittman

to the local butcher, where they picked up four giant

Porterhouse steaks, which they were to grill over a large,

open fire. Batali took two of the steaks and Bittman did

the same. Batali seasoned his steaks with sea salt and

put them on to grill. Bittman used all kinds of stuff to season

his steaks and then said he had to make a super special

sauce, to go with his steaks.

"Sauce?" said Batali, who was quite amused. "You’re going

to put sauce on some of the finest beef in the world?"

"Yes," said Bittman, "It raises the flavor of the meat

tremendously."

Batali rolled his eyes.

They watched the meat grill and turned it. I should say that

Batali turned the meat once and Bittman fiddled with his

every 30 seconds or so. Batali smiled as Bittman fiddled.

Then Bittman started on "the sauce," which turned out to

be equal parts of butter and soy sauce. This really got

Batali rolling. "Why?" he said to Bittman, "would you put

butter and soy on this meat?"

Bittman insisted that it would improve the meat. Batali

took his meat off the grill. Bittman continued cooking his.

Bittman then had Batali taste his "sauce." Batali took some

on a spoon and said, "Hmm."

In another episode, Bittman tried to tell Daniel Boulud

(one of the Top Ten chefs in the world), how to cook a

pork loin. The look on Boulud’s face was priceless, as

Bittman fumbled around, trying to help. What Bittman

was trying to do was rank amateurism and finally,

Boulud just took over.

Lately, Bittman has become more and more Krugmanesque

(after his colleague, Paul (the Marxist) Krugman, who shoots

arrows of vitriol and hate, on a daily basis).

Bittman’s latest salvo is to have the government decide

what is healthy and tax everything that isn’t. The government

would do this as an agent of "the public good."

He goes on: "Public Health is the role of the government and

our diet is right up there, with any other public responsibility you

can name, from water treatment to mass transit."

I guess we’ll just have to raise taxes, after all.

We’ll obviously need another agency and czar, with plenty of

secret agents to police your diet.

Let’s sic them on Obama first, taking away his burgers, fries,

Coke and milkshakes. Then, we can close Georgia Browns’

in Washington, where Michelle and her tribe get down on ribs,

fried chicken, mac and cheese and peach cobbler.

Then, we start on federal employees, where some of the

world’s biggest Lardassians work.

Then, we hit the New York Times, along with every health agency

in the country. We ferret out everybody who isn’t healthy,

starting with R.W. "Johnny" Apple, one of the fattest guys

ever to roll down the street in Washington. Bittman’s

predecessor at the Times, Frank Bruni, was another fat

bastard.

Then, we could have an old fashioned book burning in

front of the Times headquarters. Bring all your Mark Bittman

books and watch them go up in flames.

Someday, long after we’re gone, somebody in the liberal

camp will realize that the government doesn’t do anything

well. In the meantime, stop buying Bittman’s books.

Shaping up is a personal decision. Let’s keep it that way.

http://www.favoriteformulas.com/enhancement

I think I’m going to write a song…the title would be…

"Gettin’ Healthy On Government Cheese." Or maybe

a book, "101 Ways To Use Government Cheese."

1) Stuff 5 pound loaf in Bittman’s pie hole.

I’ll be back tomorrow with more.

With my best wishes for your optimum health,

Dr. Bill

Favorite Formulas
816 Turtle River Court
Plant City, FL 33567

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Would You Rather Be In A Collision Or Explosion

Posted: July 26th, 2011 | Author: Dr. Bill Stillwell | No Comments »

This afternoon, I was reading an old medical text ,

I picked up somewhere, but hadn’t gotten around

to. It’s fascinating to read what medical men

thought about disease and how to go about curing

it, in the 1700′s.

There was an anecdote about a man who had

injured his forehead and he was advised to rub

it with brandy. Some days later, he was asked by

the doctor if he had followed his directions. The

man replied that, "I have tried several times, but

can never get the glass higher than my mouth."

Not that much has changed in almost 300 years.

Doctors give instructions and the patient doesn’t

follow them, or only partially follows them, and

then wonders why the cure didn’t take. I had, and

most doctors have had, more than our fair share

of patients who ended up in the Emergency Room,

because they thought they were better equipped to

handle their problem than their doctors.

A famous doctor spent months trying to get to

the heart of his mother’s medical problems. After

testing her for everything under the sun, he found

out that all his mother’s problems were caused by

one thing: Mama was allergic to eggs.

Before he took over her treatment, his mother had

been to half a dozen doctors and they all had

diferent solutions for her problems. She was on

nine different medications. When he discovered

the allergy and she stopped eating eggs, she

didn’t need any of the medications she was taking.

For nine months, she had no health problems of

any sort. Then ,out of the blue, he was called to the

hospital, because his mother was in bad shape.

Upon chatting with her, she told him she had gone

to the deli and eaten scrambled eggs. This could

have killed her. She was lucky the reaction wasn’t

more severe.

When he asked her why she ate the eggs, she said,

"I thought that a little bit couldn’t hurt."

It pays to follow the doctor’s directions.

I get questions all the time about fish oil. One

of the most frequent questions involves mega-dosing.

There are physicians out there who recommend

taking as many as twelve capsules a day.

http://www.favoriteformulas.com

The dose you get with my Powerhouse Omega

Formula is plenty, at 4 capsules per day. The only

time I would normally recommend anything extra is if you

plan to be eating a big portion of red meat, for which

I would suggest you take another 1-2 capsules.

Taking 12 of my Powerhouse Omega Formula

capsules in one day would most likely have you visiting

the porcelain god for a few days, which isn’t

anybody’s idea of a good time.

I’ll be back tomorrow with more.

With my best wishes for your optimum health,

Dr. Bill

Favorite Formulas
816 Turtle River Court
Plant City, FL 33567

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Another Musician Bites The Dust

Posted: July 25th, 2011 | Author: Dr. Bill Stillwell | No Comments »

was standing in the kitchen listening to the radio, while

making breakfast, when I heard the announcer say that

British songstress Amy Winehouse had been found dead

in her London apartment. I can’t say that I was the least

bit surprised, because anyone who knew her situation had

to know her days were numbered.

You just can’t ingest the prodigious amounts of drugs and

alcohol that she did and come out on top. About a year

back, maybe more, her father said in an interview that

she had already damaged her heart and lungs by 60%

and that damage couldn’t be fixed.

It’s too bad, because she was a gifted singer. If you

happened to catch her when she was sober, or well

enough to go onstage, you could tell she had a special

gift. Tony Bennett called her one of the best "intuitive"

singers he had ever worked with, saying that, "You

didn’t have to tell her what to do, or what note to sing.

She just knew how to do it, when the music started

playing."

Be that as it may, every time I saw her, I also saw the

spectre of death hanging over her. It always reminded

me of something the writer William S. Burroughs said:

"A junky runs on junktime. When his junk is cut offf, the

clock runs down and stops. All he can do is hang on and

wait for non-junk time to start."

Non-junk time didn’t start again for Amy.

I met Burroughs at a book signing in Manhattan, in the

late 1970′s. Burroughs’ most famous work was "Naked

Lunch". It was a truly creepy experience that sent shivers

down my spine. He sent out a vibration that made the

hair on your neck and arms stand up. When I shook hands

with him, it felt like shaking hands with an icicle. The guy

who ran the bookstore said to me, "I can’t wait for him to

leave, he just creeps me out."

Burroughs and Amy Winehouse played in the same

sandbox of drugs and alcohol; Burroughs somehow

managed to survive seven or eight decades, a feat

science is still trying to figure out. The fact is that

most people who try this lifestyle on for size end up

on stainless steel tables, looking up at very bright lights.

For Amy, I can say, "Rest in Peace."

For Burroughs, all I can say is…I hope is he is some

place far, far away…where there are no inter-connecting

flights. A few minutes near him was enough for several

lifetimes.

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I’ll be back tomorrow with more.

With my best wishes for your optimum health,

Dr. Bill

Favorite Formulas
816 Turtle River Court
Plant City, FL 33567

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What Would George Carlin Say About This

Posted: July 24th, 2011 | Author: Dr. Bill Stillwell | No Comments »

http://www.FavoriteFormulas.com

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http://www.FavoriteFormulas.com/blog

Dr. Bill is the nom de guerre of William Thomas Stillwell, M.D.,
FACS, FICS, FAAOS, FAANAOS, FAAPGS. He is a licensed, board
certified orthopaedic surgeon, with nearly a quarter century of
clinical experience, and has served as Chairman of the Department
of Orthopaedic Surgery at St. Catherine of Siena Medical Center,
Smithtown, New York until he retired in 2003, Associate Professor
of Clinical Orthopaedic Surgery at the State University of New York
at Stony Brook (1987-2003), Assisitant Professor before that, and
Instructor of Clinical Orthopaedic Surgery at the College of
Physicians & Surgeons of Columbia University (1982-1999).

He is also a member of the Arthroscopy Association of North
America, the Association for Hip & Knee Surgery, and numerous
professional and scientific societies, including his Fellowships in
The American College of Surgery, The International College of
Surgery, The American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgery, The American
Academy for Neurological and Orthopaedic Surgery, and the American
Academy for Postgraduate Surgery.

Dr. Bill was born in Brooklyn, New York and is a product of the New
York City educational system, with higher education through New
York Medical College, where he earned his Doctorate in Medicine in
1973. At this time, he also worked as a professional medical
illustrator and comic artist

His Internship and General Surgery Residency were at the Medical
College of Virginia in Richmond, Vurginia and his Residency in
Orthopaedics was at St. Luke?s Hospital, back in New York.
Subsequently, he completed his advanced training in Adult
Reconstruction as an Otto E. Aufranc Fellow in Constructive Surgery
at the prestigious New England Baptist Hospital in Boston, and
Tufts University, where he was a Visiting Fellow.

Thereafter, he began the private practice of orthopaedic surgery in
Commack and Smithtown, New York, on Long Island, in the summer of
1979. Five years later, he had a specialized practice in surgery of
the hip & knee and was appointed Chief of Orthopaedics. During this
period, he was also Director of the Fracture Clinic, at St.
Luke?s-Roosevelt Hospital Center in NYC. He introduced many
advanced techniques in joint reconstruction to the hospital,
including his pioneering work on standardized protocols, which
eventually became known as clinical pathways, decades ahead of the
rest of the field.

He has written (and often illustrated) a number of scientific and
academic articles, which have been published in peer reviewed
medical journals, and two major orthopaedic textbooks on advanced
joint reconstruction: The Art of Total Hip Arthroplasty (Grune &
Stratton, 1987), and Arthroplasty: An Atlas of Surgical Technique
(with coauthor W. Norman Scott, M.D., Aspen Publications, 1987). He
illustrated the latter two books, as well.

During his tenure as Chairman, Dr. Stillwell developed his
Department with one of the strongest rosters of surgical excellence
on Long Island and the region. His hospital became a widely
respected regional center of excellence for major joint replacement
and revision, arthroscopic surgery, and advanced spinal procedures.
He himself was publicly acknowledged as a regional expert in his
field, The Hip & Knee Specialist, with a regional, national and
international referral base. He was also invited, twice, to lecture
at the prestigious British Hip Course in Oswestry, Wales, in the
U.K., on advanced revision surgery techniques.

At the peak of his career, Dr. Bill sustained a fractured spine in
a fall, and after attempting to continue his work for over a year,
despite progressive pain, believing he was putting patients at
risk, he voluntarily resigned from his position and retired from
his practice. He now commutes seasonally between his main residence
in Central Florida and the ?Northern Command,? in Southampton, New
York. He lives with his wife of over 35 years and a whole lot of
cats.

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One Of The Safest And Cheapest Ways To Decrease Health Risks

Posted: July 23rd, 2011 | Author: Dr. Bill Stillwell | No Comments »